Winter's Whispers

It's been a cold fall.

It's not that it's been colder than it has been the other years, just that the cold started a bit earlier than the past couple years. Though, it has been a welcome addition. I much prefer the cold over the heat, though I'd never want to trade one for the other. The Autumn leaves have been especially beautiful this year, I've never seen such vibrant shades of red, orange, and yellow fill the sky like it has this year. It's truly awe inspiring.

Life has been crazy these past couple months, so much has changed, yet at the same time very little has. I'm still working at the store, I'm still going to the same classes, I'm still primarily riding my bike to get around, but each part has been slightly tweaked.

After my old bike got stolen, I got a used one off Craigslist. It's had a number of issues, some of which were caused by me, but it has still been able to get me to and from school and work without too much trouble. The time change has shifted my willingness to be on the streets at night and so I find myself prioritizing places I can walk to.

Classes have been more draining. Not so much because of a heightened level of difficulty, but just annoyance. I often find myself thinking "Oh great another discussion post", and putting in just enough effort to keep my standing in the class, not truly engaging. Physics is mostly the exception to this rule, I'm really enjoying this course a lot and love this new language of analyzing the world around me, seeing the equations come to life, drawing the force diagrams in my head.

The store has also changed. A few months ago we got a new coworker, a girl a little younger than me named Maria. We didn't talk much for a while, but after about a month we discovered we had similar interests and became friends. After I broke up with Sage, it was only a few weeks before I realized I had everything with Maria that I did not have with her. I felt like I was always honest with her, never really hiding my true self; we had shared passions and goals in life; we both are happy about the people we are, but still want to be better. It took me a minute but I realized I really cared for Maria. I was aware that it was very recent after my breakup with Sage, not even a month, but even a week after everything went down it felt like that was a closed chapter in my life. I told Maria how I felt about her, with the sneaking suspicion that she felt the same way, and I was elated to find out she did.

We spend a lot of time together. We don't have many shifts together but when we do it is a lot of fun. We keep it professional and act like coworkers the whole time, and after our shifts we like to hang out until one of us has to go home. She's also going to the same university as me and so in between our classes we like to walk around and talk. I know the first part of any relationship is always fun and exciting, but with her everything feels different, there isn't that constant feeling of impermanence that I've had with every girl I've dated over the past couple years. I actually can see a future with her and not have to twist my vision to do so. We told each other we loved one another the other night and it felt good. I feel closer with her than anybody else.

Also she's religious. I didn't realize how much I actually admire that in a person. She has a deep and personal relationship with God. I didn't know how much I actually valued that trait until she sent me a photo of her reading her bible. It just filled me with joy and contentment, even if I wouldn't call myself a Christian.

Even though the year still has a month and a half left to it, I can feel the winter creeping around the corner. It feels like everything is winding down. We're all cozying up to one another and getting ready for hibernation with our feasts and festivities.

I'm grateful for this time of year.

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